Those of you not living in San Antonio are automatically excluded from the chance to set your DVR's for the local Fox station, 11:30PM, Sunday nights. The rest of you, go ahead, do your San Antonio duty and record The Cleto Show. Not because you will want to watch it, but because I'm sure it will somehow turn into a localized drinking game. And you wouldn't want to miss that.
I think it was last Friday when I was driving to work and had the radio tuned into the Big 99, listening to John Lisle get really upset during an interview with Cleto and his sidekick Jesus (really Tommy, but the show required him to use the name Jesus). Cleto and Jesus were talking up the big new show with lots of giggles and forced belly laughs as Lisle tried to ask some serious question about whether or not Eva Longoria Parker was somehow actually involved in the venture. They seemed squeamish in their response. But, as we found out last night, in the same way actress Sandra Bullock took on the benefactor role for the George Lopez Show, Tony Parker's wife has added her name to Cleto as Executive Producer. It must be nice to have disposable income.
We want so much to love, no, even like this show. It is based on life in San Antonio and of course, lots of local shots of the city. They even were able to slip in a reference to the much hated, but appropriate reference to our city, Fat Antonio.
Oh, did I mention that Cleto is a man of my size - meaning he could stand to lose 50 pounds if he knew what was good for him - and his cohort Jesus (played by Tommy) is clearly, morbidly obese. This isn't a slam on fat people, it really is typical of San Antonio and I liked that about the show.
The show has these two guys discussing the concept for the Cleto Show with some slender Hollywood type. He tells them they both need to lose some weight. So for the next few minutes, we see YouTube quality video of two fat guys trying to do pull-ups, run, and stretch. Oh, and we even have a flashback scene to school when the young Cleto, a portly 5th grader or so, is taunted by his coach to do a single chin-up. He can't (of course, the little kid weighs-in at an easy buck-fifty in the 5th grade) and the kids around him laugh. All the kids except of course his, back then, tall and slender friend Jesus (played by Tommy).
The show goes into a commercial break and for no apparent reason or any relation to the episode, comes back in a brief concert by Los Lobos performing in Austin. WTF? No, really; WTF?
Next, we find Cleto on stage at a comedy club attempting one liners. When he looks into the crowd, there is no crowd. Instead, he is heckled by an old lady calling him Panson. He tries to tell another joke and some other lady heckles him. After a third joke, it is his gym coach heckling him.
We then are taken back to the playground where Jesus (played by Tommy) whispers in his ear "Confidence". Well let me just point out that, though not a sponsor for the show, Cavender Cadillac got a good free plug. Anyone in San Antonio knows that the Cavender family uses Cavender is Confidence as their tag line, and honestly, I kept expecting Billy Cavender with his big handlebar mustache to show-up in an Escalade. Instead, Jesus (played by Tommy) whispered "Confidence" as he helped Cleto hoist himself up for a complete chin-up.
Next thing you know, Cleto is out at Woodlawn Lake running laps and jumping over people who all give him the thumbs up and shout, "We love your show Cleto." Aside from the time travel problem, the whole thing is just creepy. Let's hope all of those people were relatives, and none of them were paid. Otherwise, Mrs Parker might need to see receipts.
At the end of Cleto's big run around the lake, he ends up on top of some famous hill in San Antonio (the street name escapes me) where we see a really nice view of the city skyline. It is nice. Jesus (played by Tommy) drapes a City of San Antonio flag (yes, we do have an official flag for the City of San Antonio) and in Rocky Balboa style, Cleto raises his sweaty arms in victory.
In the following scene, Cleto and Jesus (you know, Tommy) are back in the office of the Hollywood slim guy and Cleto demands to do the show on his terms and chides him never to call San Antonio "Fat Antonio" again.
And of course, the final scene has Cleto and Tommy (or was it Jesus) stuffing their fat faces with beautiful enchiladas, tacos, rice and beans from La Fonda.
Okay, the last scene made me hungry. Aside from that, the show has no redeeming qualities at all.
In the same way that Seinfeld (hmmm, and why does Seinfeld seem so familiar?) shows outdoor scenes of NYC between scenes, Cleto shows various shots of the River Walk and the downtown area. Only apparently, Mrs. Parker only sprung for the home video version, because they look really cheesy and low quality. Honestly, could we have not purchased some stock footage from the NBA? Whenever there is a national Spurs game on TV, they have really awesome quality shots of the city and the river walk.
I plan to continue taping the show in hopes that within a few weeks, I can write a follow-up telling you that the show has gotten better. But in a way, I can now appreciate why John Lisle was so upset with these two jackasses. He had seen the Pilot and knew just how bad it really was. Hopefully, it will transform into a talk show and not the little skit we saw Sunday night.
Did you see it? Are you Cleto, Googling for reviews? Tell me what you thought of the show or leave a comment here.
About Your Host
- San Antonio, TX, United States
- I love to observe the odd things happening around me as I go about my day. I especially like it when I can get a picture of people being themselves. Here, I attempt to report the various people and events I have encountered in my neighborhood, and my city. I'd also love to hear from you. Feel free to e-mail your experiences and photos of life in San Antonio.
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