The CSI Trinity...

This week, we got lured into the three part, three CSI show story where CSI (Las Vegas) star Dr. Ray Langston played by one of my favorite actors, Laurence Fishburne joined in episodes of CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, and finally ended the story back at home on CSI, the original one that takes place in Las Vegas.

Just a few quick comments from me. But first, Did you know Laurence Fishburn is married to the lady that played the first officer on Firefly, Gina Torres?

Of the three CSI’s, I think I have mentioned before that I prefer the original, though I confess, I’m not a huge fan of that lady who plays Katherine, the blond one. The actress is named Marge Helginburger or something like that, and I once saw her on a late night talk show. No personality, at all. But, I just like the way the show comes together and like many of you, my wife and I like to guess “whodunit” as early in the show as possible, just to see if we are right, and we always are.

I also like CSI: NY. In addition to the characters, I like the use of sophisticated technology and the story lines.

But the real point of this little rant of mine centers on the first episode where Dr. Langston joins the cast of CSI: Miami. I may have told you that I simply had to stop watching CSI: Miami due to my total disgust for the character of Dr. Haratio Caine played by David Caruso. I know some people like the over dramatic acting style, the tilted head, spread legs, one hand on his hip and the other lifting his sunglasses. I get it if this is an MTV video shoot or something, but really, every scene in a one hour drama? And speaking of MTV (I’m assuming they do still have some video content on there from time to time), I get that the entire CSI: Miami is shot like a big music video complete with fancy-slacked women in heels, I’d just like the taxpayers of Miami to question how much they are paying these people to afford all these fabulous threads. And speaking of budgets, how do they afford all the fancy Hummers and rides in helicopters?

Back to Horatio. Can someone explain to him that he is not a police officer. In the opening scene of the Miami episode, Caine is posing near the front desk of the police department as a woman begs an officer to help her find her daughter. When the officer informs her that she has to be missing for 48 hours, Caine steps forward (or perhaps he simply shifts his weight to the other leg), cocks his head and says, “I’ll help you, Ma’am.”

If I’m that police officer, I’m gonna say, “Get back to your blood samples, Dexter; you’re not even a cop and you sure as hell don’t need sunglasses inside the dark police station.” Of course, that would ruin the opening of the episode. And I apologize for the Dexter reference.

In spite of my hatred for Horatio Caine, my biggest complaint about CSI: Miami has to be the incoherent time line. I understand that you have to sort of suspend the clock to allow the show to complete a full investigation in an hour, but please help me with this. The Miami people have found a body part out in a park someplace. Even as the crime scene is still being searched for clues, the coroner (the actor I really liked on Boston Legal who had some sort of disorder that caused him to “Yip” when he was excited), figures out that there is some weird salt that can only be found in Las Vegas. We see Dr. Ray Langston via video teleconference from Las Vegas, and learn that he needs to come to Miami.

Okay, I don’t even want to speculate about the bureaucratic mess it would be for one police department to make travel arrangements to send an officer to another location, not to mention just getting the approval to do it, but the next thing we know, Dr. Langston is inbound to the crime scene on a police helicopter. What? Put your phasers on Stun, because somehow Scottie just beamed Laurence Fishburne from Las Vegas to Miami while the crime scene was still being searched for body parts. Are you gonna tell me that Horatio Caine held his pose for the amount of time it takes to leave work, pack your crap, get some tickets, go through security, board the plane, fly 2,500 miles, wait for a bunch of old people to get off the plane, find your missing luggage, get on the police helicopter and fly to the crime scene? I know, I’m being too critical.
My other complaint was that in order to fit the high style of CSI: Miami, they made Dr. Ray Langston into a totally different personality. I can just imagine (or can only hope) that there were serious arguments on the set of the show when the talented Mr. Fishburne is asked to wear sunglasses, pose like a model and say stupid things he never would have said on the taping of CSI: (Las Vegas). It is actually too embarrassing to even think about. The best line actually happened at the beginning of the CSI: NY opening when Dr. Langston is on a Video Teleconference with Gary Sinese’ character in New York. He says of his pending trip to New York, “I’m on the next thing smokin’". Of course, I nearly threw-up.

In the end of the three-day, CSI Trinity event, Dr. Langston was back to himself on CSI with the people in Las Vegas, and the scars of having to watch David Caruso were beginning to fade. I would only like to ask the producers of the show, please, do not put me through something as traumatic as this again.