Suspicious Noise Report: Thump, Thump, Thump...

I enjoy reading the security reports that come from our HOA's security staff. These guys tell it like it is: Just the facts.

4/19/09 @ 0542: Complainant called in reference to his wife hearing a noise in the house. Upon arrival I checked the front of the house and rear all appeared to be secure. I checked inside and a helium balloon was on the fan blade making thumping noises. EOR

I have a few questions:

• Did the Complainant just get home at 5:42 in the morning, or had they slept all night long and only at about 5am wake up and then hear the thumping noise?
  
• Did the responding officer assist the complainant in deflating said balloon, and if so, were any weapons discharged?
  
• Was there any sign of Chupacabra involvement?