The Mad Crapper...

I was catching up on my list of Blogs I read and happened by AlanDP's story about his antics at an old job. He links to a story about some guy showing his disdain for the job and retaliates in a special way. I'll let you read about it too, if you are so inclined but you may wish to finish breakfast first. Anyway, when I read about this character, I immediately thought of a story from my first assignment to Kelly AFB and Security Hill.

I almost wonder if these are actually stories that have come from the same urban legend. In my case, all I can tell you is that the source of my information was a very well placed government civilian who certainly would have been in the know.

I didn't arrive until the big snow storm of 1985, but in the early 1980's on Security Hill, there was a guy known as "The Mad Crapper". For no apparent reason, he made a habit of taking a dump on top of one of the phone booths they had in a hall way. I know it sounds crazy today, (not the guy crapping on the phone booth, but the fact that we had a phone booth), but back then people didn't have phones on every desk, so you were required to make personal calls out in the hall way - and pay a quarter. Those phone booths are long gone but whenever I walk past the hallway in question, I can't help but recall the story.

Anyway, this guy would leave little notes attached to a wooden Popsicle stick actually planted in the turd. The sign would read "Mad Crapper strikes", or things like that. Can you imagine the thought that went into this elaborate scheme?

Now keep in mind, people weren't in the habit of looking on top of the phone booth for anything, much less new activity, but after about a month of this happening with some regularity, the Security Hill Elite Guard proposed a stake-out of the hallway.

Sure enough, about 4 in the morning some guy who apparently worked the midnight shift in the 24 hour Comm Center, came down the hall and grabbed a box that was nearby, and made his way to the top of the booth. It is not clear to me as to whether or not he was carrying reading materials. Once situated, he commenced to unfasten his fatigue pants, and well, you can just imagine...

I don't know the veracity of the statement, but I am told by my well placed source that the Elite Guard member aimed his M-16 at the squatting NCO and said, "Don't pinch that loaf!"

Busted in the act and with a Popsicle stick sign at the ready, the "Mad Crapper" was found to be disturbed (ya think?) and subsequently honorably discharged from the Air Force.

Good times.