Cooking on the 4th: Bauer Burgers...

Trust me, I don't expect you to know what a Bauer Burger is, but if you have ever watched the longest running Soap Opera, Guiding Light, around this time of year you know that the Bauer family has a cook-out, and they always make Bauer Burgers.

I don't watch GL (anymore), but if I did, I'd be curious to know just what the heck a Bauer Burger is. For all we know, it could be a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Well now, thanks to the official source of all knowledge, the Google, you can obtain a recipe for an actual Bauer Burger.

Or, I can save you time and give you step by step instructions with pictures.First, you will need to burn some mushrooms. I used a little olive oil to saute them, then placed them in a bowl to cool them down.Same thing with some diced onions. Although, I don't think the Bauer's grill the onions first, I think they use them raw. Who knows for sure? They are a fictitious family.

Now then, get some hamburger meat, mix in some garlic (I used fresh), pepper, salt (I used sea salt) and 3 teaspoons of Worcestershire sauce. As you are mixing this together, say Worcestershire three times fast.Now here is the tricky part. You have to make an even number of really thin patties. What we did was get some wax paper, throw on evenly distributed globs of the hamburger meat, then use a roller to flatten the meat. This actually worked pretty well.Next, we took some kitchen scissors (as opposed to the ones I trim my nostril hairs with) and commenced to cut the thin burger meat into square, Wendy's like old fashioned hamburger patties.Remember the mushrooms and onions I had in the refrigerator? Get ready to make a Bauer Burger. We took the first slab of hamburger meat, tossed on a layer of onion.Next, we grabbed some pre-sliced cheese and put it on top of the onions.Then we loaded it up with mushrooms...and finally added a second thin slab of meat. From there, I used a fork to press the patties together.Do this over and over again until you have lots of burgers.Oh, and mix it up by using two different types of cheese - Swiss and Colby Jack.Now, commence to cook. And I would suggest you follow these instructions: Barbecue the patties over a low flame until done. Let me repeat: Barbecue the patties over a low flame until done.Sweet Sister Mary Salmonella! Barbecue the patties over a low flame until done.Aside from that, these burgers were exceptionally tasty and in fact, I could see them being a regular at our cookouts.

And as a final note, my wife reports that for some reason as part of the plot on the Guiding Light, the Bauers didn't even serve Bauer Burgers at their 4th of July cook out this year. Their loss.