Animal Planet Report: We Have a Problem...

How to put this delicately?

My two dogs, Gracie (the big one) and Panda (the little one) have selected for themselves, an alternative lifestyle. I have no issue with this, after all, they've been fixed and I don't think we should be so judgmental as to what they do when they aren't serving our family as faithful companions.

But it is a little awkward. The fact is that if these two bitches (they are technically female dogs) who are lesbians could only dance, they'd be the Ellen DeGeneres version of an Animal Planet variety show.

Instead, they just seem to lick each other, and I mean, all the time. Sweet sainted mother of Ceasar Millan; these dogs take sniffing butts to a new level. Eeeewwwww!

But that isn't the problem.

The problem is that the little one has started licking and biting the base of her tail to the point that she has created a small bald spot. At first, I thought this might be her doggy attempt at some sort of Mohawk. She'd get one side bald and then start on the other side in a few days. The tail would represent the spiky area in the middle. But, it has been limited to one side.

The other dog, Gracie, was just recently attended to by the dog groomers, so she has no need for a new fashion statement. Yet, she too has been doing some out of the ordinary scratching.

Oh, and now, they are attempting to perform doggy first aid on one another by licking each other in the itchy areas. The areas near the butt.

So, my wife is pretty disgusted by the whole thing. But the good news is, we have family coming in from out of town this weekend. I suspect someone will pose the question, "What do ya'll do for fun in Texas?"

Cue the Gracie and Panda DeGeneres show...

But if you have an idea of what all this licking and such is about, e-mail me.