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Saturday, November 17, 2007

My HEB Commercial...

Dear Mr. Butt,

Please don't sue me.


If you have read this blog for more than a week or so, you can pick out at least one or two patterns in my life. First, I keep a digital camera with me at all times (except in my office - don't ask), and second, I shop in HEB about 5 out of 7 days in a week.

I keep the camera with me because you never know when something goofy is going to happen and I want to make sure I get a picture of it when it does. Like the time I was outside of the HEB parking lot and saw some guy who had cut a hole in the hood of his car rather than purchase the correct sized radiator.Or there was the time my wife and I were driving around and some lady was pulling a guy in his car backwards. Good times for sure.

I'd like to be present with my camera when a meteor falls out of the sky and safely smashes into a Hummer or at least an H3, just because I think it would be a cool picture. No offense to Hummer drivers - your coolness speaks for itself.

But more often than not, my photos end up being weird cloud formations or pictures of my lunch or some other everyday occurrence that, the recording of costs nothing, but just maybe one day, someone will find the same enjoyment I have in recording that moment and that place in time.

On the other hand, my wife just thinks I'm a nut and you are free to share her view.

So, we were visiting our favorite HEB Plus over on Potranco and 1604 when upon entering, I was asked to participate in some sort of study. The kind chefs wanted me to sit down and enjoy some specially prepared fish, rate it, make comments, cleanse my palate with a refreshing Dixie cup of water, then try another piece of fish seasoned differently, then repeat the evaluation process. For my time, I would get a piece of candy! I know, whoo hoo.

So, I sat down - anything for my HEB Plus - and pulled my camera out of my pocket and handed it to my wife and told her to capture me in action eating free fish. That's something to remember when I'm in my 70's, thanks.

Strangely, the HEB (or survey company lady dressed as an HEB employee) lady cautioned my wife that photos were not allowed inside HEB - a company policy you know.

As I took my first bite of fish I calmly looked up and told the nice lady that I take pictures in HEB all the time. Then I asked my wife to get a shot that doesn't make me look fat.
I think this frustrated the lady a little, but not enough for her to call security or stop feeding me fish. I was frustrated that this camera seems to add about thirty pounds of girth to my waist.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with you a few of the pictures I took and to show you why HEB is such a great place. I'd like to think of this as, My HEB Commercial...

This is me posing with the original ladies on the center cooking stage. This photo was actually autographed and posted on the stage but it isn't there anymore. Carol now works in the beer and wine section - she is really nice.

This is me riding some little Chupacabra character outside of HEB. I don't really like this picture but it makes some people giggle at how goofy I look. I'm not that fat in person by the way.

Here is where I purchase my fresh fruit and veggies.This is a crowd of people seeking out the biggest possible turkey and the smallest possible ham. You see, for a limited time, if you by a ham, you get a free turkey.

A buddy and I were talking one day and he mentioned to me that depending on which particular HEB you shopped at, you could find some pretty hot looking women. He went on to opine that HEB would have a pretty good marketing ploy if they were to create a calendar called the MILF's of My HEB.
I know, that might be in poor taste, but the truth is, most shoppers in HEB look more like this guy.Sometimes, I get frustrated because they run out of Raspberry flavored yogurt. I need 5 of those a week to live, yet today, they were sold out. Luckily, there is also an HEB by my house.Finally, if you ever have to pee really bad, HEB does a good job at maintaining their restrooms. In fact, this is the urinal I peed in right after eating my two servings of fish. The Dixie cup of water made me have to go.


Albatross said...

Hee hee hee. "MILFs of My HEB." That's destined to be a classic.

SAtexan said...

Actually my HEB might be hard pressed to come up with female clientele to make all twelve calendar pages of the "MILF's of My HEB." They'd be straining by July!

However, perhaps a better suited calendar from my HEB would be "FUGLY Female EMployees of my HEB." There's a plethora of pickin's that could probably keep that calendar crankin' out all the way to the year 2010!

Dave said...

Egads Man! Could you at least give us a side of town to avoid?

Let me guess, you live somewhere near the people who are offended by a club called Boobie Rock!

The pieces are all starting to fall into place!

SAtexan said...

You're getting close, Dave. It's not the Central Market HEB, aptly called the "Gucci-B" and not the Oak Park HEB, otherwise known as the "Wanna-B."

I'd better not say anything more because if these lard-ass trolls find out, they'll snatch those sample cookies right outta my mouth when I canvas the bakery for freebies to satisfy my sweet tooth.

Shorty said...

I love me my Heche-EEE-Bee, and I too take my camera everywhere I go. My sister says one of these days I'm gonna get popped. I've never been told I can't take photos in an HEB, but then I tend to be pretty sneaky about taking pics. The first thing I do is turn off the sound and flash. :D I have been told I can't take pictures in South Park Mall, of course I still do. *shhh* don't tell anyone cause that's the only place on the Southside I can buy my books and if I'm banned I'll be devastated.

About Your Host

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San Antonio, TX, United States
I love to observe the odd things happening around me as I go about my day. I especially like it when I can get a picture of people being themselves. Here, I attempt to report the various people and events I have encountered in my neighborhood, and my city. I'd also love to hear from you. Feel free to e-mail your experiences and photos of life in San Antonio.

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